Some time ago, I wrote a apology in poem form to a poor, innocent toad that I accidentally stepped on during the summer of 2006. I had an unusually high concentration of dead frog/toad or nearly dead frog/toad incidents that summer after the CIY where I met my little friend Crapaud the toad (I think there were four dead ones, including the one I smooshed, and another one that I almost ran over with a lawnmower).
Anyway... for lack of a better topic to blog about, here's the poem. But don't worry, I'm not a complete poet so hopefully I won't die young like all the ill-fated people Josh listed in his blog. Sadly, you don't get the full effect of the original formatting, because the blog ignores spaces placed at the front of lines.
Ode to a Toad
I hadn't yet seen you
I'm sorry friend
I never intended
To be your end
So distracted was I
By star-strewn skies
I didn't notice you
Hopping on by
Then I felt the soft splash
And heard the "pop"
When I saw you I thought
My heart would stop
So sorry am I that
The death of you
Could have been caused by my
Unyielding shoe
So now I do repeat
I'm sorry friend
I never intended
To be your end
-By Maria Gast, in memory of the poor amphibian soul who she sent to frolic forever in sunnier bogs
7 comments:
Here are some ideas for the preservation of yourself and for the preservation of toads everywhere:
1. Do not go sailing through stormy seas.
2. Do not fight against the Ottoman Empire.
3. Do not contract malaria.
4. Do not contract tuberculosis.
5. Do not worry much about being buried alive. Probably they will wait until you are dead for that.
6. If you take sleeping pills, do not also place a plastic bag over your head as the Hemlock Society recommends.
7. If your kitchen is filled with deadly gas, do not seal yourself inside; rather, open the doors and windows. It might also be advisable to leave the area.
8. The neck is no place for sharp objects.
9. There is no such thing as an unloaded gun.
10. Do not let the doctors treat you with mercury, bloodletting, or both.
11. Cyanide frequently expires before you do.
12. "It is entirely seemly for a young man killed in battle to lie mangled by the bronze spear. In his death, all things appear fair."
that's so sad :-( ...and also a good reason to never wear shoes lol
I wasn't wearing real shoes, I had on flip-flops. Which meant I could feel its bodily fluids splashing against my heel. It was really dreadfully tragic, and I probably would've cried if my dad hadn't been there. If I had been barefoot, I still would've smooshed it and I would've felt it even more.
Thanks for the sage advice, Josh. And for giving me 12 suggestions. 12 is a good, wholesome, happy number, and it's always good to see it's joyful presence.
Not its precious bodily fluids!
OPE
"OPE"?
Please explain that acronym.
OPE may very well save the world one day.
Purity
Of
Essence
It is the secret code to call back a nuclear attack against the Soviet Union.
Oh yeah... I remember that movie. I liked when the Texan rode the nuclear warhead out of the plane.
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