I come from a family of seven biologically related children born to a happily married, fiercely Christian wage-earning father and house-wiving mother. Schedules are juggled daily to ensure that we eat dinner as a family. The entire family attends almost every baseball game, dance recital, and chorus concert. We say the Lord's Prayer together every night and attend church together. My parents are respected and (as a rule) obeyed, yet warm and approachable. We children quarrel from time to time, as one would expect, yet we get along remarkably well for the most part and band together in defense of one another at the first sign of trouble. In short, I come from a functional, old-fashioned family in a time when functional families have fallen out of fashion.
What is it that makes my family and its “old-fashioned” fellows so successful while the rest of the world's families fall into decay? I suggest that the modern family is missing one vital trait: a Christian foundation. Without this starting point the only basis for a functional family is a utilitarian one. But this falls short. Knowing that life is better when you get along is far outweighed by the persnickety nature of mankind. Bobby knows that he should be nice to Suzy so that Daddy will be happy and he will be happy, but when Suzy breaks his toy, this frail excuse for a foundation buckles. A Christian foundation, however, provides far superior motivation for a functional family along with providing the necessary values. We desperately need functional families. We desperately need a Christian foundation.
What do we get from a Christian foundation? First and foremost, we get the principle of love. Love is the prevailing theme of Christianity. People are created by a loving God so that God and man may love one another. God saves man from his justice and redeems him because he loves him. Man is called to obey and imitate God out of love. Men are to serve and build up one another out of love. By love, I do not refer to pleasant feelings toward another person. Love is an active choice and lifestyle, and it isn’t always easy, especially at the start. As G.K. Chesterton says, “a thing must be loved before it is lovable.” Deep, will-driven love allows family members to choose to honor and value one another despite disagreements, bad moods, or irritating habits. And once they begin to love one another, they will find it easier and easier to do so as time goes on. Without love, we have bickering, back-biting families raising kids who can’t wait to get out of the house.
Love leads to unity. When you love the person next to you in battle, it’s a whole lot easier to work with and protect them. And life is certainly a battle. In a world that encourages egocentrism and self-dependence, sacrificing your success to keep your family together seems irrational and relying on your family’s support outside of a crisis seems weak. Yet it is strength and reason that truly keep a family together. A unified family can better face challenges such as death and illness as well as better appreciating accomplishments and life’s simple joys. Without unity, we’re left with divided families – both literally as one considers the rising divorce rate and essentially when one considers the world’s uncommunicative, uncaring families.
A unified group will naturally develop respect and an authority system. It needs an absolute authority, someone who can be trusted to think through challenges to the team and make whatever decision is best. And for this decision to mean anything, the respect that arises naturally from love and unity must be given to this authority figure. I argue that in the family, this authority should be the father. This is a notion that we find many times in scripture, and it is based on more than the sexist tendencies of ancient cultures. I don’t have time to discuss at length the benefits of having a male as the authority in a family, but you can investigate them for yourself, if you like. Without this respect and authority, you get the sort of unmanageable families you see in ABC Family’s “Supernanny,” a reality show on parenting nightmares.
The family is the basic unit of a society. It is from our families that we learn how to live with ourselves and others. If the family itself can’t function, how can it teach its children to get along with the rest of the world? As the family degenerates, so does the individual, and so does the society. The family must be saved if our culture is to be saved, and the only thing with the power to save it is Christianity. No other worldview gives a strong enough pattern for love, unity, and authority combined. Note that I am not saying that a family can’t survive without the traditional housewife for a mother and a old-fashioned large number of children. Also, it is not merely church attendance that supports us. My family includes these and many other good characteristics, but what truly distinguishes and protects my family is the power of love, unity, and respect for authority bred by Christianity practiced as it should be. The modern family needs more than just a religion. It needs Christ.