Thursday, September 20, 2007

My White Girl Moves

Although I took ballet and tap dancing lessons for six or seven years and I went to more than half of the middle school dances, I'm generally opposed to dancing. There are some exceptions (for instance, when we hear the absolutely horrible music at the beginning of listening activity tapes for French, some of us can't help but dance in place to celebrate its atrocity), but I avoid it for the most part. However, I do have some moves in store for situations in which dancing is practically unavoidable or I'm so bored or slap-happy that there's little else to do. They fall into three categories...

The Classic "Hey Look at Me I Practically Glow in the Dark" Moves: These include timeless techniques that you've probably seen (and maybe even used).
  • the sprinkler
  • the lawnmower
  • the shopping cart
  • milking the cow
  • scuba diver
  • etc., you can probably think of others
From the Creativity of My Fellow Social Outcasts: This list isn't that long, but it's interesting. Not all of them are original moves, but they aren't as common at those on the list above.
  • The Epileptic Fit/ Tourettes
  • The Hair Dance
  • The Eight Point Blocking Routine

And finally, for the moves you've all been waiting for whether you know it or not...

Og's Originals: These are high-quality techniques that are great for when there's no alternative to busting a move, but you still want to celebrate your inner nerd. They all have well evaluated names that have been pondered for at least a minute.

  • The Happy Dance
  • Dyslexia
  • The Move from English Class for Which I Have No Name
  • The Oscillating Universe (that one is my favorite and the favorite of many others)
  • coming soon... The Dipod Shuffle

At some point if I run out of things to write about, I might try to describe some of the original moves.

3 comments:

Thorvald Erikson said...

Th'art most courageous, like unto the mighty eagle which flieth into the sun, thus burning its wings and then plunging thrice into the sea, emerging young again, like unto Our Lord Christ Jesus, who hath looked upon the glorious countenance of God the Father and still hath humbled himself in descending unto mortal life and death, warranting all glory in resurrection. Amen.

I only dance when I am quite certain I am all alone and no one can see me. It is a good time. I highly recommend it.

Unknown said...

well well Maria... it looks like you need some dancin' lessons from Katie...

I can teach you how to butcher many ghetto dances. They include but are not limited to: the pop-lock-and drop-it, the heel toe, lean-with-it rock-with it, and my new personal favorite, the soldja boy dance... actually NO ONE can do the soldja boy dance without looking ridiculous, so you don;t have to feel too bad.

Also, I'll teach you my original "picking-up-guys" dance, which consists of flailing your arms around. 97% of the time, it works ALL the time.

Along with that, you can learn the "hitting or kicking Sarah nonchalantly" dance, in which you hit or kick Sarah, or anyone else you'd like, and then say "I was dancing."

All of this for only 5 easy payments of $99.95. That's a steal!

And for only 10 more dollars, I'll even teach you the "trying on dresses dance", which is a treasure trove full of secret dance moves that you MUST know your dress can handle before the purchasing of said dress.

maria said...

I'm looking forward to my lessons Katie. I'm pretty sure people would fall over dead from laughing if I ever tried any gangsta dancing. That should be fun.