My Inanimate College Friends

Several months ago, I described some new human friends from college. I will now take the time to describe some of my new inanimate friends along with a few I brought with me from home.

Arphaxad is no longer with us. He was a wandering Jew from last semester's horticulture class. I managed to kill him within a few weeks of bringing him back to my dorm. The soil he lived in retained water too well, so he succumbed to root rot.

Chester is my swedish ivy from last semester's horticulture class. He is neither swedish, nor ivy. His species is a coleus, a relative of mint, that hails from Australia. A month or so ago, he suffered from some sort of fungus that attacked his leaves, but that seems to be mostly cleared up. The encourage bushy growth, I recently removed the top few nodes from both of his branches and am currently attempting to root them in water. His clonal progeny will, at least for a time be referred to as Edith and Martha. Once they are potted with Chester, I will probably just refer to them all as Chester.

Drew is a little snow man who lives in a little snow globe. I got him from La Phoque Volant de Neige a few years ago, and I brought him along with me. He's a cheery little fellow.

Edith is one of Chester's clonal progeny. She is sickly. I had to cut off one of her leaves yesterday because it suffered from her father's fungal malady. She is also smaller than her sister, and has not recovered as well from the cold shock.

Felice is an angel ornament thing. I don't remember where she came from, but she originally belonged to Julia. She creeped Julia out, so now she hangs from one of Stephens branches and watches me work.

Gretchen is my goldfish plant. She is growing quite quickly, but would love some more sunlight. Unfortunately, I can't get that to her at the moment. When it gets warm again, I'll take her and all my other sun-loving friends out to the courtyard for a picnic.

Harold the sunfish pillow is my dear friend, and quite a gentleman. He escorted Julia and I to watch Star Trek on Slater Hill on the first weekend we were at Purdue. He has continued to be cordial and comforting over the past several months. He and Arthur Mahi are close chums, but they don't get to see each other nearly as often as they like. Fortunately, they can communicate telepathically.

Holly is a geranium. I wasn't trying to be clever or anything when I named her, that's just her name. Sometimes names are weird like that. When it gets warmer and sunnier, I hope to see her crimson blossoms return. She is also from my first semester horticulture class and will definitely be invited to the courtyard picnic.

Ivan is now living at the Gast manor in Cincinnati. He is a poinsettia of the red silverstar variety, and there is no way I could hope to keep him alive in my dorm room. Much to my surprise, he is still alive. My mom isn't well known for keeping potted plants alive, and poinsettias are rather easy to kill.

Janet is my GPS. She has an Irish accent and says "motorway" instead of "highway." She leads me from home to here and back, despite my efforts to defy her. She has never yet led me astray, except for when I ignore her directions. And that's really not her fault. I'm just mildly stubborn, even though I know I have no sense of direction. Whenever I will have to make multiple turns/entrances in rapid succession, she is always sure to tell me which lane I need to be in and what the next few steps will be. Her knowledge is invaluable, once I get to 65. I don't trust her in West Lafayette/Lafayette.

Liam is my and Julia's refrigerator. He politely houses all our perishable victuals and holds up our racks of non-perishable goods. I under-appreciate him sometimes. I really don't know where I'd be without him.

Maggie is dead. She was a maidenhair fern from the hort club call-out. I sort of forgot about her, so she died. Her remains are decomposing in the courtyard. I have little else to say about her. We did not know one another for a very long time.

Margot is a silver-nerve fittonia. They're supposedly very picky tropical plants, but she seems to be very happy with me. She does have some curious mannerisms though. I under-watered her during her first few weeks in my room, and she stuck her leaves straight up in the air. When I watered her, they settled back down to normal within a few hours. She has no qualms about telling me exactly what she wants, and she recovers well after her little fits. She is also from my previous horticulture class.

Martha is Edith's twin sister and Chester's clonal daughter. She is not sickly like her sister. On the contrary, she seems to be quite robust. Like her sister, she is also sitting in a cup of water waiting to grow adventitious roots.

Millie Maude Mae is a darling little stuffed millipede made by Jenny's mom as a gift to me before I left for college. Jenny decided she would find or make me a stuffed millipede after CIY past summer when I explained to her, Ellen, and Samie how much I adore millipedes. She is the perfect size for cuddling while I use Harold as a pillow.

Nadine is also dead. She was Maggie's companion. She was also a fern from the hort club call-out, but I don't know what species she was. She now lies at peace in the courtyard with Maggie and Arphaxad.

Nigel is another dear old friend who I brought from home to college. He is a little foam pumpkin that sits in the hutch over my desk. We became friends when we were crewmates together on the Airship Brutus. Good times were (sometimes) had by all. He had to leave his best friend Bruce behind in order to come to college with me, but he's handling that well.

Seamus is back at home. He's a burro's tail succulent, and evidently those are persnickety to the nth degree. He was pouting here at school, so when I took him home with me over winter break I left him in the kitchen window sill of the Gast manor. There he basks in sunlight and consistent temperatures without being bothered by anything. He much happier back there than he was here.

Stephen is a fake ficus. We go way back to Ms. Althoff's survey of art class in my freshman year of high school. He always sat back in the corner with the other fake trees and collected a ridiculous amount of art dust. This past year I rescued him from certain doom and brought him to live with me at Purdue. He lives at the foot of my loft and greets me every morning as I climb out of my bed.

Wallace is dead, but I can't bear to part ways with him. He is a grass chia head that I made at the botany club call-out. With his different-sized eyes, unruly dessicated hair, and discolored scarf and glasses, I just can't let him go. He remains next to Nigel surveying the room.

William was an english ivy. He was english, and he was an ivy. He was also from my propagation lab in horticulture class last semester. He rooted well, but was unable to form an adventitious bud from his leaf. As I learned this semester, this is because his petiole cells are only pluripotent rather than totipotent.

I believe that's all for now. I hadn't realized I had so many inanimate friends with names. I still haven't named my laptop, viola, or coffee maker, and I'll be getting more and more plant friends as the semester goes on, so a second list may be necessary near the end of the semester.