On Sunday, the tri-state area experienced a vicious wind-storm brought to us by hurricane Ike. The strength of the wind took down powerlines all over the place. This is the story of what happened during and after the winds blew.*
As I pulled into the driveway, I saw two intrepid adventurers making their way up through the treacherous branches of the monolithic white pine in front of my home. Despite the fact that the tree was a wounded war veteran who had survived an ice storm and was thus missing all limbs on one side of its massive trunk, my two oldest sisters clambered up into it to enjoy the wind's fury from a higher perch. After depositing my bag of holding and my unwanted foot-wear in my bedchamber, I rushed to join them in their adventure.
We crept to the highest reaches of the tree, far above the rooftops of our fiefdom. The branches swayed and creaked dangerously, but we had no fear. Stalwart adventurers never have fear. Instead we had breath-taking exhilaration. It was fantastic.
We had barely entered our home once more when a startling discovery was made: we had no power! How on earth was I to begin my music theory quest to transpose by ear the first 16 measures of Beethoven's 5th Symphony for all the instruments*** if I did not have that song on my ipod? Worse yet, my ipod had barely any battery left. How could I hope to survive without tunes? The power-restoring mages could only hope that we would have power again within a week. A week is too long for any hero to go without her tunes. Being the hardy fellow that I am, I readied myself for the ordeal to come.
Other adventurers from our local guild traveled many yards over asphalt and grass to reach our home and suggest that we go in search of other brave souls to join us in outdoors games not designed for those who are faint of heart. On the way, I saw a creature skitter through the fallen branches to my right (I think it was to my right. I'll just say it was to the east of me. I can be much more certain about that). I turned quickly and beheld a truly fearsome sight. A squirrel-beast of rare stature reared up on its powerfully muscled legs and prepared to attack my friends and me. I faced the monster fearlessly. It didn't take me long to send him away cowering.
Night was upon us earlier than usual. With ominous clouds filling the sky, the sun's weakened rays gave up on trying to reach us. I continued to study books of ancient lore far into the night and even sent a letter written in secret code to an agent in the army.
We received a call informing us that my Academy was also powerless. Powerless Academies are no Academies at all. Filled with shame, they informed their students that their presence would not be required the next day.
As dawn broke the next day, we still had no power. We stored only the most vitally important of out perishable victuals in insulated boxes of coldness and began to clear the wreckage of the storm from the lawn of our estate. The branches ripped and tore at our flesh and clothing, but we persevered despite these hardships. A few of my kin joined me in stock-piling weapons in the event that we would have to keep vicious villains away from our family. I made a daring attempt to save a faithful tree from the shame of a dead branch hanging limply from the tree's proud form, but I failed. The failure stung far more deeply than any wounds I had received, but I bore the emotional burden stoically.
It seemed as though my siblings and I had not stored up weapons in vain. Armed travellers approached our backyard near midday. We realized to our relief that these good people meant us no harm. They were true heroes and had fought many a brutal battle to rise to positions of fame amongst our people. As we basked in the aura of such accomplished champions of good, a motley crew of our friends approached us and invited us to join them on a long trek to the other side of the Hamlet of Finneytown. They had heard the the good baker Bruegger still had power, and they were on their way to seek fresh food from his ovens.
As we crossed bustling highways and climbed treacherous slopes, our ranks swelled as more comrades joined us in our quest. Although our group was light-hearted and hopeful, there were a few gruesome scenes that brought tears to the eyes of even the most reserved of our number. Several of our forest friends had fallen in the overpowering winds, including my two best dryad friends. May their pure souls rest in peace.
Once we had eaten our fill of goodly Bruegger's fine fare, we headed out in search of good deeds that needed doing. There were more than enough elderly citizens in need of our assistance to occupy us into the evening hours. As night drew nigh once more, we climbed into transport vehicles and returned to our homes. At my house, we lit a massive bonfire and satiated the hunger of the pagan gods. We cooked the entrails of our sacrifices over the flames and filled our stomachs once more.
By this time, power had returned to my estate. It is by this power that I now relate to you this tale. And yet possessing this power is bittersweet. How long must we wait ere we are presented with such grand adventures as we have faced these past two days?
*Before I wrote this, I wrote down what really happened over the past few days. I will post the true story in a few days.
**Soon and very soon I will no longer be driving the red car! I will be driving a little green car instead. Huzzah!
***That assignment is the only part of the story that has no hint of exaggeration. I really do have to transpose by ear the first 16 measures of Beethoven's 5th Symphony for all the instruments by Friday.
6 comments:
I am glad you faced no harm from the oak branch! But so fearlessly did you go adventuring, as I could not. I would have been beaten and bloodied by the projectile walnuts that were bombarding the outer walls.
Neither any of the trees 'round my manor nor even on any of its grounds took significant damage, so you may rejoice as I do therein. Actually, the amount of debris on the whole estate was a resounding next-to-none. I can only suppose this is a result of living in a lush river valley, protected by faerie magic.
Lacking, though, in great adventures (excepting being borne by servants to electric regions to eat), I relegated my doings to the study of ancient lore, writing to that army agent, and playing Trivial Pursuit and Scrabble.
None of the trees in my yard sustained notieceable damage either. Neither did the honeysuckle in our neighbor's yard, but we cleaned up his yard too and took advantage of the opportunity to hack away at the aliens living behind his house.
I cannot let these aliens go unquestioned.
Honeysuckle is an invasive alien species. I meant to incorporate an alien invasion into my epic tale, but as you can see I did not remember to do so when I actually wrote it.
Never mind subterranean Aryan civilizations, dinosaurs, and alligators...
Well those didn't really fit in with my adventures. I am planning on adapting and embellishing the alternate ending for the Airship Brutus and posting it. Then there will be plenty of dinosaurs, alligators, and subterranean Aryans. Plus Rick Astley.
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